I think that blogs, by nature, imply some amount of honesty. I decided when I came to NY that I would write about my daily experiences. I write what’s going on because I hope someone will read it and understand what’s going on with me in NY. So truth is part of it.
But I haven’t been all that honest as I look back, which is why this particular post has been difficult to write. There is a tendency for distance to exaggerate circumstances so I have shied away from certain things. For example, if I wrote that I was sick, someone in Birmingham would probably pass on to a mutual friend that I was not feeling well. By the time it got to the fifth person, I would be in the hospital in a coma. This is just how it seems to work. Kind of like that game “Telephone.” So I’ve been mindful of sharing the difficulties of NYC. Maybe a little bit of insecurity, but a lot of wanting things to be properly conveyed. It’s hard to describe how much I enjoy living on a tight budget if I tell you what I live on. You’d probably think to send me money, which I don’t need. Or, how do you describe loneliness in a way that doesn’t make me look alone, since I do have a number of good friends here? It’s hard to do over a great distance, so I find myself steering away from those subjects.
What I’m getting at is: I feel some need to provide a back story so this doesn’t come out of left field, but at this point I don’t think it matters. I’m moving back to Birmingham at the end of the month. This has been an incredibly difficult decision—far more so than the choice to move here. As I walk the streets and see friends and enjoy the life of NY, I wonder if I’ve made the wrong decision. I wonder if a break is just around the corner. But the truth is, I’m out of gas. All the leads I had have dried up. An interview I had this week didn’t work out. I think I’ve made every mistake in the book, but there’s no way I could have known to not make them. I hope this is not the last time I’ll live in NY, but for now it seems to be the best decision.
I am very sad to say goodbye to many friends who have sustained me since I’ve been here. Andy, Dave, Matthew, Seth, Dave, John, Alicia, Kimberly, Mark, Jackie, Russ, Sam, Matt, Jeff, Amy, Elizabeth, Eric—the list goes on. I am most sad to say goodbye to my church, All Angels. But some things have to be done to grow in certain ways and they all understand. I hope to stay close to as many of them as possible.
I want to finish this Lenten Season with my church, and my lease is up on March 31, so I’ll be back sometime between then. I’m excited to see those of you in Birmingham and in other parts of the South and I’m looking forward to what opportunities there are there.
I don’t know what will happen to this blog. Part of me wants to end it and start fresh when I have a better idea of some things. But stay posted, and thanks for sticking with me these past eight months.
Cheers.
